Floating Villages on the way to Battambang

About the Author: Discontent with their life in Australia (shocking yes she knows!), Tracy and her husband Colin packed up their house and hit the road with their two young kids. After twelve months backpacking through South East Asia, enjoying the most amazing food, temples, beaches, and more importantly every sweet food treat she can find, Tracy has returned with her family to Australia to camp their way around the country until the lure of Asia draws them back.  Tracy blogs about their adventures on www.ourtravellifestyle.com

Twelve months ago we embarked on our footloose adventure to explore the world as a family. In actual fact, the trip was supposed to start on November 11, 2009. A crazy ambition – since we bought our tickets at the start of October and only had 6 weeks to organise everything! We’d been talking about the trip for a year and preparing but it was only at the start of October that we realised now was the perfect time to go.

Everything was right on track until November 5 … six days before we were due to board the plane. The day that I finally got around to getting the medical results I’d been putting off for months. The day we thought our luck had finally run out.

“Your biopsy results have come back showing abnormal cells. I think you should consider delaying your trip”

Ten years ago, after being sick for several months a cyst was discovered in my thyroid. Several biopsy’s and tests later it was decided that the cyst was completely normal, as was my thyroid function, despite still feeling like … well like utter crap. The symptoms of an under-active thyroid were there but the blood tests didn’t support it and so began my 10-year battle to get doctors to believe that the normal range of thyroid function wasn’t normal for me.

The Burns'

In June 2009 when we returned from our first test overseas trip with the kids and thought yes we could travel RTW as a family, we started writing checklists of what we’d need to do before travelling. It had been four years since my last biopsy so we added that to the list just as a precaution.

June, August and September passed. We started checking things off our lists. Still no biopsy though. I wasn’t avoiding it; I just tend to put things off. And off. You’d think that in June when I started getting almost constant migraines and started putting on weight despite improving my diet and exercising that it would have prompted me to get off my butt and get the test right? Or maybe in August when the cyst overnight tripled in size for a day and then shrunk again? Of course not. I have putting things off down to an art form and after 10 years of being told there was nothing wrong, what was the rush?

October rolled around and we booked our tickets for November 11. So began the flurry of frantic organizing. The biopsy … well umm … cough,  I finally got around to that in the last week of October.

So here we were at the doctors six days before leaving Australia receiving the unexpected news that after years of being told everything was normal, abnormal cells had been found.

In most situations, receiving the news that you might have cancer usually leads to fatalistic thoughts about your families and your own future. Of course in our case the initial focus was “oh crap, what about our trip?”

Instead of flying out of Australia on November 11, I was on the operating table, an irony that we didn’t find funny. Everything happened so fast. One minute my bags were packed for Asia, the next for hospital. In the space of a week I had surgery not once but twice since the first time they initially thought it was not cancer and only took out half my thyroid. When cancer was discovered they had to go back in and remove the entire thyroid.

I can’t explain what I felt when doctors advised that I had not one but two types of thyroid cancer. They reassured me that both types were treatable, caught early and unlikely to reoccur but at 32 years old it’s cold comfort to be told you have two different types of cancer, no matter the prognosis. The reality truly hit when I was sitting across from a radiation oncologist in the same oncology department that I’d taken my father too one year previously for cancer treatment. When I took him there the thought never even entered my mind that I might be back there one day for myself, let alone the very next year. The next few days were the hardest as I was locked in an isolation room away from my husband and two young children for the first time in the kids life for four whole days after treatment with radioactive iodine. When you have no physical contact with the outside world and nothing to do but think you do a lot of soul searching.

I decided to take the positive path. And I did have a lot to be positive for. Since the cancer was detected in my 30′s and was caught early I had almost a 100% chance of survival. After years of being sick from what I believed to be an underactive thyroid, my ongoing treatment included using thyroid replacement drugs to simulate an overactive thyroid, so I finally had the chance to see if I was right all along and a possible end in sight to all my health problems.

We’d started to believe that we weren’t meant to take our RTW trip but then it occurred to us that if it wasn’t for planning our trip it could have been years before I’d had another biopsy, which by then it might have been too late. I was determined to take the trip even more now to celebrate the years I had to look forward to with my children thanks to the trip. As soon as the all clear came through from doctors we rebooked our tickets for three weeks time and left.

The first few months on the road were physically rough as I recovered from two surgeries and my body adjusted to thyroid replacement medication. I was tired and got sick at the worst possible times, like having the worst migraine of my life four hours from the nearest medical facilities. I was forced to become essentially vegetarian for six months when my taste buds changed from the medication so much that meat and eggs made me feel ill. Not an easy thing to deal with when you’re travelling in foreign countries exploring new foods anyway.

Recovering in easy Koh Lanta

Despite being physically depleted, I woke every morning thankful that if I did have to convalesce anywhere I was unbelievably lucky to be doing it surrounded by the rice fields of Ubud or the beaches of Thailand with my family. I became the most patient, “in the present” mother as I appreciated life and my family all the more. I even loved sharing the one room with my family. After those four nights forced away from them for radiation treatment, being able to look around whenever I woke up and see us all together was wonderful. After 12 months on the road without daycare and babysitters I’ve lost the patience I rediscovered but I still take moments each day to be thankful and love waking up each morning with all of us in the same room knowing we have the entire day together.

I still need checkups every three months but ultimately I’ve learnt to trust myself when it came to managing my medication. Unsurprisingly, most of my health problems have quickly improved now that the medication is simulating a slightly overactive thyroid, just as I’d been telling doctors for 10 years, my normal thyroid function levels are higher than the average person.

Although the cancer has vanished, my recollection of this entire experience remains etched in my brain. It was one of those experiences that remind you that you’re mortal, that “life is short, and you need to live in the moment. Going ahead with our RTW trip gave me a chance to embrace that philosophy. Both the trip and the diagnosis have changed the way I look at life … in a very positive way.

I remember seeing her a handful of times growing up.  After my Grandfather died 10 yrs ago things changed a little bit.  The first 5 years were pretty rough, but the last 5 have been a blessing.  I’ve had a chance to know my Grandmother in ways that I never have before.  We’ve had rough days, but we also had some laughs as well.  In the last 2 months of her life, I was able to spend a lot of time at her bedside- thanks to a very lenient boss and 3 weeks worth of vacation time.

While sitting by her bedside my Grandmother told me of the job she had during WWII.  While living in Vancouver she was hired to deliver mail, but when they saw how tiny she was they reassigned her.  Her new job was to climb into the gas tanks of new Boeing planes and clean out all the metal filings before they were put in use.

As she grew older and moved back to Alberta, she was hired to do cleaning at the local hospital. They were tricky though.  Her manager’s would hide banana peels in the vents, and gum in the windows to test her.  After 3 months she was told she had a full-time job- the normal waiting period was 6 months.  She went from cleaning to laundry to being a ward aide.

These are just a few slices of her life.  She was a very strong willed woman.

Rest In Peace Grandma, I am so thankful for the time we had together and for all you did to make my own mother the woman she is today. I love you, and I will miss you.

On September 24th my Dad found my Grandmother on the floor of her condo. She was rushed to the hospital and we spent the next 3 weeks sitting by her bed, hoping she’d pull through. We knew she had cancer again, but this time we didn’t know where in her body. We finally found out that she has pancreatic cancer.  The news was hard to hear.  She’d have less than a year left. Eventually she was moved from the hospital to Palliative Care.

This past Monday it was decided that she would have a stint put in her bowels.  She had decided that that’s what she wanted. Her jaundice is severe and has started to show up in her eyes as well.  She’s not hungry, very itchy and in a lot of pain. Although the stint wouldn’t cure anything, there was a chance that it would help with the jaundice and maybe her appetite as well. Mom and I waited at the hospital for her to arrive. After she was settled we left while the procedure was being preformed. We weren’t ready for what we’d be coming back to.

In order to put the stint into her bowels, they’d have to blow air in to open things up. According to the surgeon, when they did that her tumor started to break apart and spread. Her cancer is far more advanced than the originally thought. Her bowel is leaking air. They couldn’t put the stint in. Within days her bowel will burst. She won’t die from the cancer, she’ll die from the infections and complications.

My Grandmother has survived both Breast Cancer and Colon Cancer. She’s 88 yrs old and she’s the only grandparent I have left. Although I’m grateful for the time we’ve had together over the last 2 months, I’m not ready for her to go. However, it’s her time. It’s time for her to be in a peaceful place without pain.

Today was a little busy.  She had made up her mind that she wanted to start taking care of things because her nosy roomie at the hospital would be away all day for tests.  So upon her request, I called her lawyer so she could make changes to her will.  He said he’d come later in the morning, which was great.  We then struggled with breakfast and talked about whether she would do some exercises today.  Thankfully O.T. showed up minutes later and talked her into a walk down the hall and back with a walker.

She spent time with her lawyer, and felt good to get that squared away, however within minutes Palliative Care showed up.  I use to work in Palliative Care, but when it’s your own family, it’s a very different story.  She was so upset when they came in, it was the worst timing.  I’m just glad I was there this time to help her out.  I just hope they’re patient and let her make the decisions in her own time and way.

I’m still struggling to find a balance with everything that’s happening.  I’m trying to do what I can for my Grandmother, I’m trying to be available to my Mother, I’m trying to work and do my job and help to keep the staff happy and it’s all a little much some days.

But with Grandma being sick I’ve had a lot of time to think.  Why am I in the rat race? I like my job, but sometimes the stress is too much and I want to escape. I cherish my freedom. I love the person I become when I’m traveling and free.  But working means that person has to hide for long periods of time.  I’m not 88 like my Grandmother.  I’m still young, I still have time to live my life.  Maybe it’s time to do some planning…

Each day she has slowly progressed.  She was still in tremendous pain due to a lump in her stomach (a pre-existing condition), but she seemed to be getting stronger. Her potassium levels were becoming normal again, as well as her blood sugars.  When I went to see her 2 days ago she was sitting in a chair by the window, full of spunk, and talking about going home.

I returned to the hospital yesterday afternoon and discovered she was quite different.  She was back in bed, back on the IV and back on oxygen (she hasn’t been on oxygen since the night she was admitted). I was upset to discover that the hospital had not called us to tell us of her sudden change in condition.  It was the OT guy who noticed the difference in her condition, not the nurses working in her unit.  When I approached the nurses station to ask why we hadn’t been called, one Nurse responded with “Well we have a lot going on, it’s too hard for us to remember to call the family.  You’re welcome to call us anytime though and check on her condition”.  My response was an angry one about how we as the family obviously need to be at the hospital 24/7 to make sure my Grandmother is taken care of.

My Grandmother spent her 88th birthday in the hospital, she’s had CT Scans, and MRI’s.  Her fingers are pricked for blood sugar tests 4-5 times a day and they draw blood from her arm everyday as well.  We’ve recently found out that she has pancreatic cancer and that there is nothing they can do for her. She will have to struggle through the pain an IF she wants to live in an Assisted Living Facility instead of being in Pallative Care she’ll have to exercise and be able to take care of herself.  At this point, I’m not sure if she can.  She has less than a year to live according to her doctors, and we think about that on a regular basis.  She wants us to live our lives and not worry about her, but the one day that we listen to her, her condition gets worse.

Today is Thanksgiving in Canada.  This morning we’ll be at the hospital with my Grandmother, hoping to catch her doctor and find out some more answers.  This afternoon we have to be home to make Thanksgiving dinner (My Dad and brother won’t do it), and then we’ll go back to the hospital afterwards.  I’m not sure what I can do.  I’m not sure how to balance my life and still be available to my family and Grandmother when I live 2.5 hrs away.

I pray that there are not too many other families spending this holiday the way ours is.