Divide and Conquer: Traveling as a Couple
19. May, 2010 
8 Comments
I was twenty-six and single when I set out to conquer the world. I had enough money to travel for two months. Not enough time to see the world of course, but it was a start. The plan was to cover the standard four in SE Asia ? Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam and Laos ? before returning home enriched and triumphant; ready to plan my next trip.
There were many theories I had about traveling, but only one that I felt terribly strong about: traveling alone. I saw it as a challenge. In my opinion, it was the best way to do it. A travel buddy would be great at first but wouldn’t they inevitably end up making me do something I didn’t want to do? Wouldn’t I have a better time if I go at it alone?
It turns out that the answer was both yes and no. It’s been nearly five years since that two month trip and I can tell you that yes, traveling alone was the best decision I could have made at that time. I saw and did everything I wanted to do. Hell, I met Martin, my husband-to-be on that trip. But I also spent a lot of time alone; lonely and wondering what my friends at home were doing. Traveling alone means just that. You are alone. Sure you meet a ton of people along the way but as most long-term travelers know: everyone is moving in a different direction.
I’ve reflected on that two-month trip a lot this year, remembering what it was like to be alone. The contrast is interesting to me because I’ve just spent the last twelve months traveling with my husband. This means I’m one half of a pair of travelers now; a very different way to travel indeed. But I’ll let you in on a little secret ? the transition from single traveler to a pair has been easy. We knew what worked best for us as individuals. We took that and turned it into what worked best for us as a couple.
I’m not going to lie though and say that everything went was amazingly, but we’ve made it this far (and have more to go) without any major hiccups. Our secret? A little thing I call Divide and Conquer. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. We figured out who was best at doing certain tasks and divided the travel work. Martin loves the research, I could get us around once we’ve reached the destination. I carry the toiletries, he carries the medication. He carries the paper money, I carry the coins (which, by the way, is awesome ? many of the countries we were in don’t use coins. Less work for me!) The list goes on and on. It seems like a simple concept, but with the circus that travel can sometimes become, dividing the work makes travel together fun.
The system works well for us but it does have its downside. As a single traveler you are in charge of everything. You need to figure out how to get to the bus stop, where you should stow your bags, which stop you need to get off at, etc. It’s a full time job. There are a million things to think about. But you’re in the moment all the time. You’re present because you have to be; there’s no one else there to get you around.
Dividing the work is an advantage but it also gives you time to check-out. If Martin is watching for our bus stop, chances are I’m asleep in my seat. If I’m leading us through a back alley in Kathmandu, Martin doesn’t need to remember that it will get us to our hotel ? because that’s my job. Halving the work sometimes meant halving the experience. A sad fact, but a fact none the less.
I’m not saying this is the only way to travel as a couple. We met many couples along the road that handle their journey very differently. It will always be up to the dynamics of the couple. This is the way it works best for us. It has allowed us to get through some pretty rough places but as I said, it’s dramatically changed the feel of travel. Gone are the days of locking my backpack to my leg while I sleep on a bus. I have a husband travel partner now. He watches my bag while I sleep.
Thanks for the great guest post Jaime! Guest Post by Jaime & Martin of Seat of Our Pants. Jaime & Martin are on a 14 month round-the-world trip. Their current location is Tatvan, Turkey.
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Nice post by Jaime! (Not until the end I realized this is not about Pam
)
Nice to see the difference between single and couple traveling from the point of view of a person that has done both! I’m a half of a couple travelers. Even though I’ve read a lot of post about how to execute a solo traveling, I still can’t imagine I can do that myself. I’ve been doing this in partner with Ryan. While it’s my part to do research about things to see and history/story behind them, as well as design the road trips Love doing that), Ryan does all of the difficult aspect of traveling like finding the cheap hotels, flights, dealing with insurance, etc. I can’t imagine doing this without him!
My husband and I have been doing beer travel as a couple for close to 20 years. It took some trial and error, crankiness, and bickering, but we did learn how to travel as a couple. Now we wouldn’t have it any way. Happy travels!
I wondered when Pam got married!
You know the biggest issue I had when traveling as a couple was who was going to hold the map, being in charge of wherever we needed to go. It was a big step in my relationship when finally I let go of the map and didn’t question his directions.
Oh, I’ve been secretly married a few times now
hahaha
I couldn’t agree with you more about the divide and conquer thing.
While we were travelling I was always booking the accommodation and finding the cheapest way to get from place to place, while my wife was reading the guidebook and finding out what we should see once we got to our destination.
The biggest challenge for us was when I would spend a few hours trying to get the best deals on a train ticket and find a hostel without bedbugs, and Jess already knew what to do in that city. It meant she was bored out of her brains while I was in the internet world. Not fun.
All in all though, I think you just need to take the positives from it. If you want to go on an awesome trip with your partner, it will be awesome. If you think it’s going to fail from the start it’ll probably do exactly that.
This is a great post. I am a control freak of sorts, which is hilarious because what that really means is that I want to be able to decide how far my shenanigans go…deciding how free and adventurous I’ll be, without anyone pulling me back or pushing me forward. I can follow my guts, wrong or right, without having to consult or persuade to do anything. Really a wonderful existence.
However, I am traveling with a companion, which at first made me blink extra hard, but then I realized that I really enjoy this person’s company, and our small adventures have proven nothing but a great time. That’s what it’s really about, isn’t it? How well you mesh with your travel companion. I’m excited about doing this with someone; teamwork? I’m good at teamwork as long as the work is divided, and it seems it will be. I’m not worried, even though I’m used to (and very good at) being alone.
Anyway, your post definitely calms the remainder of the reservations in my subconscious…thanks!
High-five, Jaime! Unlike you and Martin, my husband and I travel, come home and then travel again (over and over for the last 16 years) — but our travel style is “divide & conquer,” too.
Couples’ travel is like a deployment: You can either release a tight operation on a foreign land, with each person sticking to their skill set and coming home with life-changing tales…or you can end up with a misguided, finger-pointing disaster (like, say, Halliburton in Iraq).
The labor of an adventure is truly a lot easier when you have someone watching your bag…and your back.